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Internet Porn, Masterbation and Better Communication as a Solution Perhaps?


Dear Darla,

I am 7 months pregnant and concerned that my husband no longer finds me attractive. I see him looking at porn when he thinks I am not looking, and I am pretty sure he masturbates in the shower.  Is this TMI?  Sorry but I don’t know what to do!  I am just really worried about my marriage and I no longer feel as sexy as I once did.  Please Help Darla!

Amie 32, Berkley, CA

Dear Amie,

This is quite a loaded set of questions!  Back in my day, before the Internet, wives used to catch husbands looking at dirty magazines – the internet is much more subtle. 

Where to start with this post?

I would say as in all things, if there is something you want to know, ask.  Communication forms the base of any relationship.  Maybe your husband is feeling, shall we say “urges” and doesn’t want to bother you since he knows you are pregnant, and perhaps tired.  From your post I cannot determine how this pregnancy has progressed and your current state of health.  I would say that you should talk to your husband and have an open and honest conversation. 

I am not sure whether or not you are against the potential masterbation in the shower, but again, this is pretty natural, at least according to my research. Check WebMD

If you are against it for personal or religious reasons, again I would recommend having an honest discussion with your husband.  You could start by asking how he feels your sex life has been lately.  You could also tell him about your concerns and your feelings of doubt.  If you guys have a good relationship, he will welcome the feedback.  If you feel comfortable, join him in the shower one day.  One thing may lead to another… and well, I am sure that you get the idea.

If your relationship is suffering from problems (again I cannot determine from your question), I would really recommend that you guys go and see someone.  This is always best before a baby arrives and further complicates your relationship.

You two started this journey together dearie, but whether you want to finish it together, is a choice only you alone can make.  I would encourage you to reach out to a family member, friend or a specialist to answer your further questions, but most importantly, talk to your husband about your concerns.

Good luck Amie.

With love, Darla

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